


trust is a one way street

by myrddinthewizard



Series: how to love a liar [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Oops, Unhealthy Relationships, could be seen as a type of manipulation on merlin's part, hanging ending, kind of unsettling tbh, like merlin using arthur's love for him to get away with stuff, might be just a little bit ooc, no magic reveal, so like yeah this is kind of dark when you think about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:08:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28109835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myrddinthewizard/pseuds/myrddinthewizard
Summary: Arthur pulled back, watching Merlin. “Why didn’t you tell me?”Merlin let out a loud snort before he could stop it. “Yeah, right. Arthur, you can ask that same question for just about anything and I’ll always give the same answer. You didn’t even believe me about Agravaine. What do you think would have happened if I came up to you and said that Morgana, the girl you grew up with, is betraying you? You would’ve laughed in my face.”“I would not.”Merlin raised an eyebrow and Arthur flushed looking away.(aka how arthur finds out what merlin knew before anyone else)
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: how to love a liar [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2058711
Comments: 10
Kudos: 164





	trust is a one way street

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin BCC
> 
> ~
> 
> i suggest you read this series in order for it to make more sense.  
> takes place shortly after season four but before season five (after agravaines betrayal/death)

> _"I don't know how you managed to escape, but I do know one thing: if you breathe a word of what you saw, I will make your life a very short and painful one."_ \- Morgana to Merlin

Arthur slashed at Merlin, who just barely caught the strike on the hilt of his flimsy sword. Arthur pulled back and lunged again, faster and faster until Merlin’s movements became a tad delayed. Arthur quickly knocked the sword out of Merlin’s grip and thrust the point of his own at Merlin’s neck. “Do you yield?”

The training field was dead silent, save for the pants that escaped Merlin. His dark curls were matted to his forehead and his neckerchief was gone, allowing Arthur to train his eyes over the pools of sweat that gathered over the swells of his collarbones. It was all very distracting. 

Merlin jerked back and then ducked, ramming into Arthur from below his sword. Arthur caught off guard, yelped, and the two tumbled to the ground. Merlin’s fingers wrapped around his and wrenched the sword from his grip before rising to his feet. Arthur’s chin was tipped upwards by the sword point and Merlin’s grin sparkled beneath the hot sun. “Do you yield?”

Arthur twisted, careful of the sword, and latched on to Merlin’s ankle, shoving him off balance. Arthur wasn’t able to grab the sword from Merlin and instead settled to push himself over Merlin, essentially straddling him. Merlin was fast, though. Pushing upwards, he knocked Arthur off his lap and quickly switched their positions. Merlin forced all the weight of his lower half on Arthur and pinned him to the ground. “Don’t be a sore loser, Arthur.”

Merlin loomed over him, his blue eyes twinkling with mirth. Arthur couldn’t help the smirk that spread over his face. “I am not.”

Merlin shoved his weight back so he could comfortably lean down until his nose brushed Arthur’s. Merlin’s breath smelt of pomegranates and his eyes were blown wide. His voice dropped to a husky whisper. “Do you yield?”

Arthur stared up at Merlin, uncomfortably aware of their lower halves pressed together. “To you? Always.”

Arthur closed the distance between them and Merlin huffed out a laugh. “I don’t know when you became so cheesy but I kind of like it.”

“I love you,” Arthur whispered against Merlin’s lips and Merlin’s nearly stopped breathing. He’d always known but it was the first time Arthur had said those words since Merlin had revealed who his father was. 

Merlin smiled softly, relief flooding through him in a wave, washing out all the guilt that he’d felt the past few weeks. “I love you too. Always.”

* * *

Arthur watched as Merlin sharpened his sword. The smooth methodical movements sending his mind into a lull. “I’m scared.”

Arthur didn’t mean to say the words out loud but he knew that if he could tell anyone, it would be Merlin. Merlin paused in his movements, but he didn’t look up. “Why?”

“Does it not terrify you? To know that Morgana is out there and she— she’s still not giving up.” Arthur dropped his head into his hands, not daring to meet Merlin’s eyes.

“Of course it scares me. All we have to do is be prepared. There’s no use in tearing your hair out over something you can’t control.” 

Arthur propped his chin into his hands and shut his eyes. He could still see the way Morgana had lifted her chin, allowing the crown to be placed upon her head. He could still see the dark look in her eyes and the smirk that curled at her lips and— Arthur shuddered.

He was only grateful that for some reason, Morgana’s magic had failed when they tried to take back Camelot. There was a sudden knock on the door and Arthur shot up in his seat. “Come in!”

The door cracked open and Leon came inside, an apologetic look on his face. He dropped his head down in a sign of respect and carefully shut the door. His eyes flickered to Merlin for a second before resting back on Arthur. “The patrols came back. From the caves near Ealdor?”

“Yes. Did they find anything interesting?”

Leon hesitated. “The forests outside of the caves were littered with dead bodies and judging from the wreckage and burns there are rumors that—”

Arthur’s blood ran cold at the almost fearful look in Leon’s eye. “Rumors that what?” Arthur tried to ignore the way Merlin went tense at the other end of the table.

“Um, some people have reported seeing a dragon, my lord. And based on the wreckage, I don’t think they were lying.”

It took all of Arthur’s willpower not to look over at Merlin. “Oh.”

Leon took another step forward. “I was under the impression that you killed the last dragon.”

Arthur froze. “Um, well, yes. These rumors must be wrong.”

Leon obviously saw right through him but didn’t comment. “Right. Gauis is inspecting some of the people who were killed out there. They were all a part of Morgana’s army. It seems that whatever this was, it wasn’t attacking Camelot. If anything, it seemed to have helped.”

Arthur clenched the table, trying to keep his face unreadable. “Ok. Do me a favor, Leon, and put down all these ridiculous rumors. It was probably just a forest fire. Did your patrols find anything else?”

Leon winced. “Yes. They were looking through the tunnels and they found— well, there were a group of dead bodies in a small cavern. Morgana’s men. They were all just lying on the ground dead. Most seemed to have hit their head but other than that there is no damage so we’re not really sure how they died.”

“Any identifiable men?” Arthur asked, and judging by Leon’s face, there was.

“Your uncle, Sire. Lord Agravaine. I’m afraid he’s dead.”

Arthur blinked, trying to register his words. Arthur had tried his hardest not to think about Agravaine and his betrayal over the past few days but he never considered that he would be dead. “Oh.”

“That’s all the interesting things we found.”

Arthur felt like he was underwater. Agravaine was dead. “Right. Of course. Leave me, Leon.”

Leon bowed slightly and nodded to Merlin before leaving. Arthur didn’t move until the door was shut. “When I asked you to never lie to me, I meant that you tell me everything that you’ve done. That was your dragon was it not?”

Merlin was pale, his hands trembling slightly. “Yes. Kilgharrah.”

Arthur slumped back into his seat, dragged a hand over his face. “He saved us. That’s why only a small group of men made it into the caves. Because the dragon killed the rest.”

“I– I didn’t know what to do. We couldn’t fend off so many people and I panicked and called Kilgarrah to help. But I promise that no one from Camelot was hurt.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “I know that, you idiot. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought you were still getting used to the whole dragonlord thing and we had more important things to worry about at that moment—”

“Then why didn’t you tell me after? Merlin, I need you to talk to me. These are things that I have to know. I thought I already established that I’m not going to hurt you for something you can’t help. You saved us. What did you think I was going to do to you?”

“It’s just hard, Arthur. I’ve spent so many years keeping it from you that—”

Arthur swallowed that bitter feeling. “Well, now I know. And I would like it if my boyfriend would trust me with these kinds of things. Even if you don’t tell King Arthur, you can tell me. Just Arthur.”

Merlin sunk his teeth into his bottom lip. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

Arthur sighed. He furrowed his eyebrows, thinking back to that day. “Agravaine. How did he die? You’re the one who went after them, right?”

Merlin turned and put his sword away. “I did. It was just a trick. Lured them away and then Kilgharrah helped me a bit. He didn’t mean to kill them but—”

“No. I thank him. It’s hard enough to face Morgana, at least now I don’t have to face my uncle too.” Arthur didn’t notice the way Merlin relaxed after he had accepted the flimsy excuse.

After a few moments, Merlin spoke up again. “Don’t blame yourself. I know that you are. Agravaine just wanted your power, Arthur. It was nothing against you.”

“You knew, didn't you?” Arthur's voice was quiet.

Merlin settled into the seat beside Arthur, clearly uncomfortable with the way this conversation was going. “About what?”

Arthur snorted. “Don’t act obtuse, Merlin. It doesn’t suit you.”

“You know, for the number of times you told me I was stupid, that’s rather flattering.” Merlin’s lips twitched.

Arthur cuffed the back of Merlin’s head. “I’m sorry. I never believed you.”

Merlin shrugged. “It’s alright. Well, it’s not, but—”

Arthur huffed out a laugh, leaning back in his chair. “You’re right. It’s not.” Arthur was silent for a moment before he spoke up. “Tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

Arthur shrugged. “Anything. Any other traitors that I should know about?”

Merlin hummed. “The cook. Did you know that last night she refused to let me have one of her dumplings and honestly that’s a betrayal unto itself—”

Arthur shoved Merlin. “Stop it. I’m being serious.”

Merlin fell silent, tracing a finger across the runes engraved in the table. Arthur nudged Merlin. “Don’t look so sad. It’s not as if you helped hide Morgana or something. It’s just a question.”

Now, Arthur prided himself on knowing what Merlin was thinking. He was usually an open book. But there were times that Merlin honestly scared him. Times when Merlin’s usually open expression closed off and went blank. And though Arthur couldn’t tell what he was thinking, he immediately knew something was wrong. Arthur ran back over what he had just said. _It’s not as if you helped hide Morgana or something._ Arthur groaned, dropping his head back onto the table.

Life could never be easy with Merlin, could it? “You cannot be serious. Get out.”

Merlin was up and out in an instant, not even trying to argue with Arthur. Once the door shut, Arthur grabbed his goblet and hurled it towards the wall. He knew it was Merlin who had to clean it up but Arthur didn’t really care over the roaring in his ears. 

* * *

Merlin cursed himself. He raised his hand to knock and then pulled back, hesitating. He honestly didn’t know what Arthur was thinking but he doubted he would appreciate Merlin barging in.

“You know you have to push the door to open it right?”

One of the knights was leaning against the wall, watching Merlin with an amused look. He flushed and shot him a small smile. “Right. I forgot whether it was a push or pull. Just trying to jog my memory.”

The knight raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment. “Alright. Glad I could help.”

Merlin took in a breath and pushed inside. Arthur was at the window, watching as the sun slowly started to set and settle. Merlin dropped his dinner on the dining table as quietly as possible and filled up his wine. When Merlin glanced up at Arthur again, he was watching him.

Arthur made his way over and sat down, pushing half of his dinner in Merlin’s direction. “Eat.”

They ate silently and Merlin was nearly drowning in the tension. Arthur finished first and was seemingly content to just watch Merlin finish his food. “When did you know?”

Merlin choked on his food. “What?”

Arthur simply raised an eyebrow. “When did you know? About Morgana.”

Merlin swallowed and shoved the tray away from him. “A day or so after we found her again. In the forest.”

“Do I have to prompt you to answer every question or could you actually tell the entire story on your own?” Merlin blinked at Arthur’s almost tired tone.

“I followed her. She felt a little off so I sneaked after her through the forest and found her with Morgouse. It wasn’t too hard to figure out what she was doing.”

“And she didn’t realize?”

“Oh, she did. They both caught me.”

“Wait, what? Not only do you follow her but you were incompetent enough to let yourself be caught?” Arthur snapped, suddenly angry.

“It’s not like I planned it. Anyway, Morgana fled pretty quickly and Morgouse tried to kill me so I wouldn’t reveal what Morgana was doing.”

“How?”

Merlin winced softly. “She might have tied me up in a clearing full of serkets and left me there to die.”

Arthur was up in an instant, slamming his palm on the table. “She what?”

“It wasn’t that bad—”

“Please tell me you didn’t actually get stung. No wait, that’s a stupid question because serket stings are fatal.” Arthur hissed.

“I actually did get stung—” Arthur was up and curving around the table before Merlin could finish.

“Stand up.” Arthur yanked Merlin to his feet and hiked up his shirt to prod the skin there.

Merlin yelped. “What the hell, Arthur? What are you doing?”

Arthur didn’t reply and instead slipped his fingers to Merlin’s back to trace the large scar that ran from the top of his hip bone to his pelvis. “How did I not notice this.”

Merlin scoffed, pulling away. “I’d like to think you were more distracted last time you saw me shirtless.”

Arthur glared up at Merlin. “What is wrong with you? How did you survive this?”

“Kilgharrah. I called for him and he healed me.” Merlin muttered. 

Arthur pulled back, watching Merlin. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Merlin let out a loud snort before he could stop it. “Yeah, right. Arthur, you can ask that same question for just about anything and I’ll always give the same answer. You didn’t even believe me about Agravaine. What do you think would have happened if I came up to you and said that Morgana, the girl you grew up with, is betraying you? You would’ve laughed in my face.”

“I would not.”

Merlin raised an eyebrow and Arthur flushed looking away. “I know that sometimes you think that I don’t listen to you but I do actually take what you say into consideration.”

Merlin scoffed, suddenly angry. “No, you don’t. You—”

“I went up in front of the entire court when you told me that Valiant was cheating in that tournament all those years ago. I went with only the word of a servant. I was humiliated, Merlin. I can’t do anything if you don’t give me the evidence. Even with Agravaine. You said he stole the underground maps but they were fine.”

“Yeah. But I was right both times, wasn’t I? If you can’t do anything about it, then why the hell do you expect me to tell you?” Merlin snapped.

“Because that was my sister, Merlin,” Arthur growled. “At least if you told me I could have figured something out or–”

“Oh, please. You couldn’t have done anything, anyway. Uther would never believe that Morgana betrayed him.”

“But what about me? You’re right. There were times when I didn’t exactly believe you. But things are different now. We’re closer. If you say something to me, I’ll listen. Because I know that you’ll always guide me in the right direction. Because I have faith in you.” Arthur searched Merlin’s eyes, looking for any sign of understanding.

“Do you? There are times I feel like you have no respect for me.”

“Of course I respect you.” Arthur stepped forward. “You’re my advisor. My friend. I turn to you for everything. Don’t you understand this? You’re the one keeping secrets, Merlin. First your father, now Morgana—”

“Come on. Don’t you trust me?”

“Am I supposed to? I’ve been betrayed by so many people, Merlin. I don’t like when people lie to me or don’t tell me things that I should know. You kept so many things from me—”

“Oh, you don’t even know half of it.” Merlin snarled, then immediately regretted the words.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Merlin turned away. “Nothing. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“You’re keeping more things from me?”

Merlin whirled back to face Arthur. “I don’t owe you anything, Arthur. You never gave any impression that I could trust you anyway. You constantly put me down. You tell me to shut up and that I don’t know anything and I’m absolutely useless every second of every day.”

“You can’t possibly take those seriously. I was just joking, Merlin.”

“Yeah? Well, there’s a point where the line between just joking and what you really feel becomes blurred. Jesus, I don’t know what to think of you sometimes.”

Arthur fell silent. “I didn’t know you felt that way.”

Merlin could tell that Arthur was closing up and panicked. “Don’t be an idiot, Arthur. I love you. I do. You just have to understand that there are some things that I cannot tell you. There are some things that as king you can’t change.”

“I don’t care if I can’t change it. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t come to tell me things. As Arthur. Forget about me being king.”

“I can’t. Don’t you get it? You’re one person. You can’t just split yourself into two and tell me to talk to just Arthur and not the king. Every time I talk to you, I talk to both.” Merlin pleaded with Arthur to understand.

Arthur stammered. “But– why can’t you just tell me things. I’m sick and tired of this. I feel like you don’t trust me at all.”

Merlin pressed his lips together in an effort to not break down. “I trust you more than you know. And if you trust me, then please, please trust that I will tell you what you need to know.”

“You don’t think I needed to know about Morgana?”

“The kingdom is still standing. We’re all still alive. And I know it’s hard for you to understand but—” Merlin broke off helplessly. “Have I ever steered you wrong?”

“No.” Arthur's voice just barely reached Merlin’s ears.

Merlin moved forward to clasp Arthur’s hands in his. “Then trust me.”

“You can’t just—”

Merlin moved even closer, never breaking eye contact. “Trust me. Please.”

Arthur was silent. His eyes flickered to their clasped hands and then back to Merlin, wary. “You can’t keep things from me like this. I feel like I don’t even know you.”

“You know exactly who I am. I’m loyal to you. I always have been since the day we met. And I promised myself that I would help build you into the king I know that one day you will become. I’m always at your side. No matter what.”

Merlin raised one hand to carefully cup Arthur’s jaw and gently guide his eyes back to Merlin’s own. “Do you trust me?”

Merlin swallowed down the tears that had started to clog his throat and closed his eyes in an attempt to stop himself from breaking down. He only hoped that one day, Arthur would understand. Understand that if Merlin were to tell Arthur everything, he wouldn’t be able to handle it. He hoped Arthur would realize that he didn’t have to know everything that was going on in order to rule the kingdom. That maybe one day, Arthur would know that all Merlin did was to help Arthur. That everything Merlin had done was to take some of that burden off Arthur and shoulder it for himself.

Merlin inched forward and gently pressed his lips to Arthur’s, repeating the question. “Do you trust me?”

After what felt like an eternity, he replied, his voice barely a breath. “Always.”

_\--0-o-0--_

**Author's Note:**

> When you have absolutely no self-control and wrote this entire thing instead of doing work. I was going to post it later this week but that's fine. Consider it a gift.
> 
> The beginning part was way fluffier than I intended it to be but it was just supposed to show how they're back to normal and all happy. And then you know, it all crashes and burns. Merlin might be a little bit OOC in this but I intentionally did that. Emphasis on unhealthy relationships, yeah?
> 
> I know that Merlin might be a bit portrayed as the bad guy in this but really both are at fault. And it takes both of them to tear their relationship. You know, the fun stuff.
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed it! Let me know how it was and if there's a certain thing you want Arthur to find out about because I have a few ideas but I would love more. Stay safe <3


End file.
